"Teeth are a bloody nuisance. They are a nuisance when they come in, a nuisance when you loose them, and a nuisance for most of the time you have them"
Those were the wise words of my 95 year old grandmother and I couldn't agree with her more.
We have had it good. We somehow managed to have a baby that loves her sleep and started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. But as we, and most likely countless other smug newbies soon found out, all good things come to an end. And it is all because of tiny pieces of bone known as teeth.
The piglet had started showing signs of teething very early on. Hands in the mouth, drooling etc. Everyone told me I was imagining it, a baby didn't get teeth at such a young age. But after seeing a documentary that showed babies being born with teeth I knew otherwise.
So it didn't come as much of a surprise when from out of her little gums emerged a pinprick of white that quickly turned into a milk tooth, a second popping up to make a perfect pair the following week.
I don't know why they are called milk teeth because I'm telling you now teeth plus breast feeding does not a happy mummy make.
You see babies soon become curious as to what their new little buddies do and what they seem to work out remarkably quickly is that they allow them to bite. I'm not going to go into any more detail than that, you know where I'm going...
Then there's the small matter of using your boob as a teething ring. Why use a teething ring that is the latest in pain relief technology when you can use your mothers nipple...
Not only do tiny teeth cause breast feeding to become a bit of a health hazard, they seem to cause babies a huge amount of pain and discomfort. Some get rosy cheeks, others get pimple like spots and most that had been in a fairly good sleeping pattern take a few steps back in the wrong direction.
Our poor little darling has had the lot, minus the rosy cheeks. Her chin resembles that of a pubescent teen and the lack of creativity in this chapter is reflective of the lack of sleep myself and DD have been having of late. I used to consider 6am as a disgustingly early time of the day, only to be seen if staggering in from a night of epic proportions. I now consider it a sleep in.
As I write this I know we have nothing to complain about, compared to some we have got it good. I had a coffee with a fellow newbie the other day and she went positively green with envy when she heard that the piglet wakes at 3am. Her daughter wakes every hour on the hour. But still I can't help wondering when it is going to end. We are only 4 down, approximately 20 to go. This is going to take years and honestly I don't know if I can handle that much breakfast television....