Sunday, 23 September 2012
Pumping - the ultimate passion killer
There is nothing sexy about breast pumps! Nothing!
Those that have had the pleasure of placing their boobs in a plastic funnel and letting it work it's magic, will not need to be told that at best it's weird and uncomfortable, and at worst, it's bloody painful.
It's also very boring. We made the rookie mistake of not picking a pump with a silent feature. This means that when using our pump it sounds like an air raid is taking place. It's very loud, but strangely hypnotic. For the first few weeks DD was in that 'we're all this together' phase and was happy to lip read his tv shows while it droned away.
Unfortunately the novelty soon wore off and I found myself sitting in the hallway mournfully watching tv through the doorway as the pump slowly whirred away.
Last week I had had enough. You see since having the piglet night times have become precious. A beautiful hour or two where you can lie on the couch, rather than walk around in circles with a baby that doesn't like people sitting down, and enjoy a cuppa while it's actually hot. Bliss! So I begrudged spending it sitting in the cold having my boob molested by a plastic funnel.
So I took the pump to bed with me. The piglet had moved into her own room the week before, meaning I could sit up in bed and whir away to my hearts content.
I think DD had hoped that the moving of rooms would signal the return of the kind of activities that had got us into this position in the first place. So you can imagine his face when he eagerly jumped into bed that night and was met with the sight of me pumping.
Now they warn you to be very careful with contraception after the birth of your munchkins and so avoid any little surprises. I can tell you now that you don't need contraception if you've got a breast pump, it's more than enough. Just ask DD.....